Continuing from the last post (a month ago), there is a huge glaring hole in God’s charge for the husband. I presume that I missed it because I have missed this point for almost 16 years now and I am sure I will miss it again. Now that God has revealed this to me (and to you), I pray that my response to this revelation will be quite different going forward.
We are “blazing” through Genesis in our Sunday Night Bible Study and we can’t help but notice the priceless lessons God reveals regarding relationships. I know that Genesis is primarily a book that is considered part of the law (Pentateuch or Torah); however we see several examples of relationships. These examples cry out to us as lessons we ought to learn regarding relationships.
We are currently studying Genesis chapter 16 where Sarai makes a suggestion to Abram that at first glance seems rather brazen. Since God has “prevented” Sarai from bearing children, Sarai gives Hagar to Abram as a wife with the thought that the promised child would be born from Hagar. In today’s culture, this is very brazen. In the culture of the time, it was a common custom found in ancient Near Eastern texts (ESV note on 16:1-16) concerning barrenness. If this is true, Sarai was simply suggesting what the culture would tell them to do regarding her barrenness. This presents a whole topic of discussion in itself, but that is not what I wanted to write about today.
What is really going on here? Abram and Sarai have lived in the Land of Canaan for ten years now (Gen 16:3). Despite several visits from God regarding His plan for Abram, they still do not have a son. Impatiently, Sarai suggests an alternative method of gaining a son that most likely resulted out of the custom of the day. I want to be very careful here that I do not give the wrong impression of the lesson God is teaching me. This passage is widely taught with the focus being on the fault of Sarai. My KJV Bible titles this passage, “Sarai’s scheme fails” (bold added). I suggest that it should read, “Abram’s leadership fails”.
Here’s why: Read Genesis 1:22 – 2:15. What was God’s command to Adam? To be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth, subdue the earth and exercise dominion over every living creature. Lead! We know that Adam ultimately eats of the forbidden fruit and sin enters the world. Not only sin; but evil, death (both spiritual and physical), suffering, decay and every other thing that is contrary to “Good”. As men, we like to joke about how Eve is the one who ate first, right? Along the same thought, we arrive at Gen 16 with yet another example of the woman taking the initiative and the result is disaster. Again, we joke saying, “See what happens when a man listens to his wife.” This is the dangerous ground I walk on in presenting this; please do not misunderstand the point. I am in no way indicating that we, as husbands, should not listen to our wives. That thought comes directly from Satan who would love to divide the Husband from the Wife. In fact, I present the opposite. We MUST listen to our Wives.
God’s original plan was for the Woman to be the “helper” (Ezer) which is defined as “one who supplies strength in the area that is lacking in the one being helped (ESV note 2:18)”. This “helper” came when there were “none suitable” or fitting for the man. Therefore, we must listen to our wives since she may provide strength in an area we may be lacking in; God’s perfect design. Consider what happened in the garden and the curse that Adam and Eve brought into this world, specifically in the area of their relationship. 1 Tim 2:14 tells us that Adam was not deceived, but the woman was. If Adam was not deceived then he must have eaten the fruit out of pure rebellion. Adam willfully made a conscious decision to sin. He doubted and denied the Word of God, therefore breaking the covenant between him and God. Thus, he displayed a total lack of trust in God. This is sin.
Now review the curse set forth from the rebellion of Adam and Eve (Gen 3:16-19). There’s a lot we can draw from these verses alone, but look specifically at the Husband and Wife relationship. For Eve, “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” To Adam, “because you have listened to the voice of your wife”; in other words, because you have failed to exercise dominion over every living creature, the ground is cursed and you will work hard to survive. Dominion here is not by force (as many men have wrongfully abused); it simply means to lead rightly. The word “desire” in God’s instruction to Eve is rarely found in the OT. It is used, however, in Gen 4:7 where sin’s desire is to rule over Cain yet Cain is charged to rule over sin. We know that Cain gives in to sin’s desire and murders his own Brother.
What does this have to do with Abram and Sarai? I’m glad you asked. Think about both scenarios in Genesis regarding Adam, Eve, Abram and Sarai. Now think about your own marriage. What area does the most fighting come from? If you listed finances, children, job, chores, needs or any other task; I ask you to look a little further. Is it not the question of who will rule or who will lead? What happens in both scenarios is the glaring fact that both Adam and Abram failed to lead. More specifically, they listened to their wives and then failed to lead. Adam was right there “with” Eve when she ate. Why did he not try to stop her? When the Serpent approached his wife, why did he not step in and exercise his God-given right to have dominion over the Serpent? When Sarai came to Abram with a cultural solution, why did he not seek God and trust Him that He will keep His Word? All of this came from a failure to lead rightly. A Husband sins when he fails to lead and a Wife sins when she fails to submit to her husband’s leadership role. If the Husband leads rightly, the desire for the wife to feel the need to lead diminishes.
For 16 years, I have first failed to listen and then failed to lead. At times, like Adam and Abram, I have stepped aside and depended on my wife to assume the role of leadership thinking it would bring peace. It may have brought peace for the moment, but pain and suffering soon followed. This is a sobering thought for me. As I look back, I can see several examples. I must go forward carefully both listening to my wife, listening to God and then leading in accordance to God’s will. This is not going to be easy. Let’s face it men, our wives desire to lead is directly proportional to our failure to lead. Feel free to comment, just remember that famous saying regarding the messenger.
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